Happy Fall Ya'll

Pffffeeeewww! Blurg, I am wiped. This fall has flown by. Probably because I have been super busy with all kinds of exciting things. Let's sum it all up in a blog post, shall we?

It started with the second annual wine stomp. My lovely friend Carol and her husband Nick hosted a little gathering at their new home in Alexandria near the Carlos Creek Winery. We rocked the vineyard this year and had TWO of our three stomping teams make it to the semi-finals. Next year, I think we really have a good shot at winning the grand prize basket full of wine. It's probably fine that we wait a year anyway, seeing half of the ladies in our group were preggos (not my half!). I learned all about the nonsensical things that make pregnant ladies vom and celebrated my ability to touch raw meat and use toothpaste without gagging. I also bought a wine glass holster. Cheers!

Then Jacob's family came to visit for a couple weeks and his brother stayed with use for a weekend. On Friday night we enjoyed some wurst, beer, and sauerkraut balls at The Black Forest Inn's Oktoberfest celebration. That's right, SAUERKRAUT BALLS. Try saying that without giggling. HARD TO DO. Now enjoy a stein of Hacker Pschorr and try again. IMPOSSIBLE. It was David Hasselhoff night and we cleaned up in the raffle. Jacob took home a Night Rider stamp set. Adam, Jacob's brother, won a real dollar bill with David Hasselhoffs face in place of President Washington, and Trevor made us all jealous when he won a case of collectible Baywatch stickers. Wunderbar! The next day we UM YA YA'ed our way on down to St. Olaf for Homecoming. The weather was chilly, but the nostalgia warmed me right up, along with a large eight dollar pizza from the Pause Yummmmm...

The next week I did my Practicum for school. What is practicum? Practicum is where you spend a week observing and interacting in a classroom at the grade level for which you plan to be licensed, but do not plan to teach. So, since I plan to teach high school, I spent the week in a sixth grade class. That way, you have some experience in all areas of your licensure. Comprende? It was really fun to be in a classroom and even more fun not going to work. Man, sixth graders are weird though. One second they are talking about how they lost their tooth last weekend while chewing on the neck of their t-shirt, and next they are discussing phases of matter and whispering about so-and-so who got high last weekend at her cousin's party. Whoa.

Then, randomly, a train derailed behind our apartment.

On Friday, October 8th this girl *pointing to myself* turned 26 years old. You guys, I am closer to 30 than 20 now. SCARY. So, yeah it was my birthday and we did a little celebrating. Jacob put together a "roll your own sushi" party for me on Friday night, made me a cake, cleaned our apartment and hung the birthday banner. Then our Friends Trevor and Jean came over and rolled their own sushi while I rolled my own sushi and Jake rolled his own sushi. I highly recommend doing this. It was soooo fun and sooo delicious. We already had the sushi rolling mats but Jake got sushi-grade yellow tuna from Byerly's and cucumbers, carrots, green onions, avocado, cream cheese, Nori, sushi rice and edemame. My favorite part was the spicy mayo though. Here is a recipe on this great website that tells you how to make your own sushi. Looooovvve the spicy mayo.

The next day, my wonderful Mom, Dad and brother came over and took a bike ride over to the Sea Salt seafood eatery over by Minnehaha Falls. It was a gorgeous fall day and we got some good pics along the way. This is also something I recommend everyone do. There are bike paths all over this wonderful city and you should find one and make your way on over to the Sea Salt. Next year though - or tonight. They close tomorrow for the winter. Yeah, sorry - I should have told you sooner.

For my birthday I got a camera from my Mom and Dad, that I can fit into my pocket, like the kind normal people have. No more hauling the D60 around to events and totally intimidating everyone. My favorite brother Kale gave me an awesome gift certificate for Kiva. Have you heard of Kiva? It's a program where you loan money to entrepreneurs in need around the world. Instead of just giving them money, you empower them by giving them a loan, which they then use to build their business or support their livelihood. Then they pay you back! It's not guaranteed that you will get paid back, but I guess most people do, and then they loan that money again. It's pretty awesome. Jacob gave me a MEND bag from the Invisible Children organization. Another very awesome gift that gives back. The bag was made by Pamela Laker who was abducted by the Lord's Resistance Army in Northern Uganda until she escaped and Invisible Children found her and taught her how to make these bags. Now she is supporting her whole family with her new income and I have an awesome new messenger bag. Win win.

The following week I spent pulling together my 34 page practicum report, studying for a physics midterm, and registering for next semester after registration was already past due. What can I say, I was a little distracted.


Last week, I used birthday money and gift certificates I earned through my health insurance provider by being healthy to purchase an awesome new arts and crafts tool called a Silhouette. I have only tested it out twice, but I have so many plans for this thing. T-shirts, etched glass, temporary tattoos, cards, window decals, wall art, posters... the possibilities are endless. I will definitely be using it to beautify my future classroom too. Who says science can't be pretty?

My friend Jeni also had a birthday this month and a bunch of my good friends from high school all got together for a girls night on the town. So much fun!

So, it's Halloween this weekend. I probably could have waited and included it in this post too, but you're probably tired of hearing about all my antics. It's a lot, I know. I promise to try and space it out better, but it's hard to keep up. So much to do, so little time :) Oh, by the way, did I mention I have been playing badminton on Monday nights through Community Ed? No? Well, yeah... there's that too.

I need a nap.

Mantras

As a sat down with my bowl of cereal this morning the other morning, I was flipping through a magazine and came across an article on mantras. The author (do you call them an author? Maybe editor, writer?) Well, the lady that wrote the article was a very accomplished athlete who competed in rowing and ran marathons. At first, I was all, "oh she's one of those crazy overachieving types." I met a few of those nuts at Saint Olaf. The ones that track genetic inheritance, run 15 miles, perform symphonies and then volunteer at the hospital all on Wednesday before intramural kickball. Then she went on to discuss how during some of the most challenging moments in her life, she found herself using mantras to push her to complete or focus on the tasks at hand. The act of reciting a phrase over and over again, would give her the focus and determination she needed to overcome fear, push through "the wall," or keep it together when life became chaotic. It has been proven that by focusing on a mantra, you can divert your thoughts enough to become significantly less aware of the factors that might otherwise hold you back. 

Duh, right? Pretty sure I learned the same thing in Shrek when Donkey was crossing the bridge from the castle. 

"Don't look down, don't look down..." 

Then before you know it, he has made it all the way to the other side. All he had to do was focus on the words instead of on the fear. This is like life strategies for first graders here. Apparently, however, we are not giving this practice enough credit though. A mantra or repeated phrase can help you overcome pain, fear, frustration and can even help get you butt to the gym. 

"No more noodle arms, no more noodle arms..." 

...and BAM before I've had a chance to talk myself out of it, I'm pumping iron at the Y. Now, I realize that I might be using this term too loosely. In reality a mantra is a very spiritual tradition practiced in many religions. Guys, I don't actually know much about this at all. I'd love to learn though, so let me know if you've got the inside scoop. I have shared a few "Om's" in yoga a few times, but I am going to go out on a limb here and say that's it's really not the same thing. For now, I am just focusing on the power of the spoken word and the ability to refocus one's thoughts by simply repeating a "mantra."

I think this will be a really good tool for me. I have been struggling lately with too many goals and I am finding myself falling victim to the inevitable burnout that comes with trying to do too much at once. There's school, work, getting to the YMCA 12 times a month, trying to eat healthier, staying organized at home, spending less money, planning meals better, reading all those books before they are due back at the library, using fewer paper towels, those pants that need hemming, coaching skiing this winter, and then the endless list of projects that I would love to get done. Yeesh! Not sure why I have this overwhelming desire to try to to do everything well. I obviously can't to everything well. I can work at a few things and that's it, and yet I set the bar high for everything. Dumb. Maybe it's a symptom of a quarter life crisis? I've been doing all this questioning of my purpose and so on and so forth, so I can see that maybe being the root of all this. Either way, I need a tool to help me prioritize and focus. I need to start utilizing the mantra. I can see this working really well with the way my brain works. I am so easily distracted and tend to become completely fixated on something if it sparks my interest. If that something happens to be reorganizing my closet on a night when my Physics homework is due, my brain is very good at rationalizing the closet over the homework. In that moment before I decide to reorganize the closet, when I still have self-control, I am going to break out the mantra...

"School comes first, school comes first..."

I may or may not regress into one of those crazy people that is always talking to themselves. Just a warning.

And so I come to Desiderata. My Dad gave me a framed print of this poem as a gift when I graduated from college. My Dad always seems to know what I need well before I do. When I look at it, I always think about how perfect the words are. It was something that I had intended to read on a regular basis, but of course, in my quest to do everything, I end up looking at it very infrequently. No more. This can be my mantra. Maybe if I actually take Dad's advice and try reading and even reciting this poem on a more regular basis, it will help me refocus on what is important. Let go of the noise and haste and just focus on what I can do right instead of what I should be improving. 

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

One of those days...

You guys. I'm just having one of those days. Friday's are supposed to be happy and I have been looking forward to this weekend for a long time, but it looks like I'll be working extra hard for it. Ugg. I guess these days just happen though. I mean, what will this day matter in five years, right!?! 

Right.

I need a glass of wine.

Deep Thoughts by Kate

I discovered some things recently that have made me very aware of my limited time here on earth and the potential that each days holds. Uh oh... Kate's gettin' all deep and philosophical. That's right people. If your not in the mood to jump into some deep self-reflection with me, I suggest hopping over to the kiddy pool at AFP and reflecting on someone else's life. Nothing too emotionally stirring there. The deepest thoughts I ever had while viewing other people's awkward family photos was "Oh geeeez! I totally rocked the greek column during my own senior photos session too!"

It began when I stumbled on this "scarf calendar" over at Swissmiss. Cute right? Somehow the longer I looked at it though, the more it began to represent my own brief existence. My inability to redo the past. The shortening of the scarf that is my life. Wuhhhhh Wuhhhaaaa! Debbie Downer!

Then, a couple days later, I discovered a site called Thought Questions where they continuously post really thought provoking questions set to beautiful photographs. These things suck me in. Part of me looks at them and is reminded of those lame motivation posters. You know the ones. They have a whole line of ironic/mocking versions... and for good reason. But then the other easily influenced/gullible side of me starts actually trying to answer these deep life questions.

Really guys - WHAT WILL THIS DAY MATTER IN FIVE YEARS!? I spent thirty-five dollars on a new haircut yesterday nobody even noticed today. I could have fed a starving child in Africa for like three months with that money. UGH!!!How many days would I go back and do differently if I could? What's holding me back from making the choices that I really want to make deep down. The other question I frequently come back to is, "If I could duplicate myself into life-coach kate and self-Kate, how would I direct my own life? What advice would I have for myself? How would I tell myself to live my best life possible?" 

I frequently think about these questions in regards to my future students too. I am already worried about them. I still remember what it was like to be in high school, but now that I'm on the other side of it, it's easier to see the hang ups and "major" obstacles for what they really were. I worry about the kids that I will undoubtably encounter that hold themselves back. The ones that can't see past high school or don't believe in their own potential. How can I get them to take a step back and start directing their own lives and making choices to live their best life? It's amazing the hope that people will have for others, but will then deny themselves. I think I found a tool that might help me address this in my future classroom though. A way to step out of oneself and give that inner voice an actual way to talk back. It's called Future Me and it's a website that allows you to send yourself messages in the future. Brilliant! Who knows you better than yourself, and how great to be able to remind yourself of your goals, weaknesses, and inspirations than - yourself! I sent future Kate an email congratulating her completing her master's program and reminded her of why she became passionate about this stuff in the first place! Way to go future Kate!

So, what will this day matter in five years? Will I even remember it in six months? Will I have at least made choices that will have have a positive impact on the future me? I suppose I could write future me an email and remind myself of today and the choices I made for future me and the choice that I hope future me will have made. I only get to do today once. Each of us only has one life and we only get one shot at today. Me, I'm going to go do some yoga tonight and improve the health of future me... but first I'm going to go climb my way out of these deep thoughts by giggling at some babies dressed as Chippendales on AFP...

Grrrr...

Not sure why Blogger won't let me format anything right. I hope this doesn't mean that all my posts are going to become gigantic paragraphs. Sorry peeps. I'll try to fix it later.

Geeking it up

Yesterday, when my friend Jean emailed me to ask if I wanted to be her badminton partner in a Mpls Community Ed Co-Rec league, I did a little happy dance at my desk. I love playing badminton and I'm actually pretty good. This fall, Jean and I will be spending Monday night in the Southwest high gym, mowing down the competition.

"Badminton!?" You ask, "What kind of a loser plays competitive badminton!?"

Me. And people - it's not the first time. I'll let you in on a little secret. I'm used to be a huge nerd. Not only was I on the badminton team in high school, I was on the exhibition squad. No, that does not mean that we went streaking through the gym with rackets, it means we weren't good enough for varsity... or J.V....or J.V. B squad. Good old Burnsville Senior High had a three-time State Championship badminton team when I joined in the ninth grade and they were on their way to a fourth, so there were a lot of wannbees like me who signed up and ended up spending most meets in the hall outside the gym unwrapping Starburst in our mouths (much to the chagrin of our orthodontists) with the hope that someday it would improve out make-out skills. This was all very unnecessary and ironic as none of us were obviously going to be making out with anybody. It's okay, go ahead (if you haven't already) and make an "L" with your fingers on your forehead.

When I wasn't playing badminton, I also enjoyed soccer and skiing. I missed a lot of social events for skiing. People would just forget I existed in the winter because I was gone every weekend and, between the homework and practices, there wasn't really any time to catch up with friends during the week either. I would get invited to stuff in the beginning of the year, but then people would finally give up, and come the late winter and spring dances, the invites had ceased completely. The first time I went to a dance was when I accompanied my friend Emily to Homecoming. She had to go because she got voted the honor of singing the "Homecoming song." But she didn't have a date. I wore one of her sisters old dresses, we showed up, she sang, we stood by the wall for a while like we were in a cliche scene from a Molly Ringwald 80's flick, and then we went to her house and watched movies with our hair in fancy up do's. The next year she became Homecoming Queen and I ended up at home again watching movies at home with less fancy hair.

What probably solidifies my role as uber-geek the most, however, was my role as President of the Science Club. Well, that and maybe a few other things like the peer-tutoring, National Honor Society membership, Science Quiz Bowl, or maybe Yearbook... which I only participated in because I was sick of them getting the nordic and alpine skiing pages confused every year. It was the coolest thing I had going for me and the least they could do was label it correctly in the yearbook. But the Science Club thing was really what did me in. I had a reputation and it stuck. Now, I am becoming a science teacher, and I don't know that I will ever attain my goal of becoming one of the cool kids. I really thought I had shaken the nerd status in college when I started buying pants with appropriate inseams and started getting invited to parties again... but alas, I cannot deny who I really am. I am a geek. I've even decided to start attending what is really just an adult version of the science club. It's called Cafe Scientific and it's at the Bryant Lake Bowl. I am super excited because we get to talk about science, but also because cool kids hang at the BLB and maybe they will notice me in the hall and say hi.

So, I guess all I want to say is that I have come full circle. I am back in the science club. Back on the badminton court. Still missing parties to go skiing. I am a nerd and I am proud of it. And despite all the social awkwardness, I found a very cute boy that is just as geeky in his own way, and we have a pretty good time together just geeking out. I realized this last weekend, as I was working on my physics homework and noticed him sitting on the couch, reading about Caravaggio, listening to NPR and wearing his safari hat. And then last night he told me he was going over to friends house next week to learn how to play Dungeons and Dragons. Match made in heaven.

You can take the braces off the geeky kid, but behind that straight set of teeth, there will always be a geek...

The Comfort of Darkness

Fall, to me, has always felt like the beginning of the new year. Forget the awakening of spring or New Years - Fall is when I reflect, reevaluate my state of being, reset, and move forward. Time for trade ice cream for acorn squash and sandals for boots. I grow giddy at the thought of the coming crisp blue skies, scarves, and the musty smell of leaves on the ground. Get me a blanket, a hot chai, a good book and I will be a happy girl. I absolutely love fall.

Fall has a special mood for me that is paradoxically both heavy and light and the same time. Warm and cold. The Autumnal equinox. The beginning of the dark half of the year. Time to take stock of what we've got and prepare for the months ahead. Gather the harvest, revel in the beauty of nature and get everything in order before the chill of winter blows in. It's earthy, honest, pensive and grounding. And when else do you get to decorate with skeletons without catching strange glances from your neighbors?

Is it odd to find such the darkness and ominous mood so appealing? I find myself brooding over deep thoughts on life, death and purpose. I've been lulling myself in the grey music of Ray LaMontagne and Cat Power. I have abandoned some of the more superficial things in life, and refocused on relationships, learning, and being healthy. Don't worry Mom, I'm not depressed, it's just fall. I'm in it. I love this feeling. I feel revived. Back to the basics. Rooted.

But it's dark. I welcome the creepy, the gory, the heavy and emotional. I want to watch scary movies, hunt for mushrooms in the gloomy damp woods and read some Poe. Or maybe I'll read Stiff again. It's one of my favorite books ever and it's about human cadavers. I promise it's hilarious - you really should read it. Just not while you're eating.

I don't know if I can put a finger on it, but the refreshing darkness and the happy gloom of fall are creeping up and reviving me. I can feel fall almost like it's a tangible thing, but to describe all of it's complex and wonderful facets is like trying to hold tight to a fist full of sand. I thought maybe by writing about it that I could define it, but instead I feel like I just revealed myself as a moody creeper that enjoys reading about dead bodies and probably owns one too many scarves. I guess if the the shoe fits...