Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Comfort of Darkness

Fall, to me, has always felt like the beginning of the new year. Forget the awakening of spring or New Years - Fall is when I reflect, reevaluate my state of being, reset, and move forward. Time for trade ice cream for acorn squash and sandals for boots. I grow giddy at the thought of the coming crisp blue skies, scarves, and the musty smell of leaves on the ground. Get me a blanket, a hot chai, a good book and I will be a happy girl. I absolutely love fall.

Fall has a special mood for me that is paradoxically both heavy and light and the same time. Warm and cold. The Autumnal equinox. The beginning of the dark half of the year. Time to take stock of what we've got and prepare for the months ahead. Gather the harvest, revel in the beauty of nature and get everything in order before the chill of winter blows in. It's earthy, honest, pensive and grounding. And when else do you get to decorate with skeletons without catching strange glances from your neighbors?

Is it odd to find such the darkness and ominous mood so appealing? I find myself brooding over deep thoughts on life, death and purpose. I've been lulling myself in the grey music of Ray LaMontagne and Cat Power. I have abandoned some of the more superficial things in life, and refocused on relationships, learning, and being healthy. Don't worry Mom, I'm not depressed, it's just fall. I'm in it. I love this feeling. I feel revived. Back to the basics. Rooted.

But it's dark. I welcome the creepy, the gory, the heavy and emotional. I want to watch scary movies, hunt for mushrooms in the gloomy damp woods and read some Poe. Or maybe I'll read Stiff again. It's one of my favorite books ever and it's about human cadavers. I promise it's hilarious - you really should read it. Just not while you're eating.

I don't know if I can put a finger on it, but the refreshing darkness and the happy gloom of fall are creeping up and reviving me. I can feel fall almost like it's a tangible thing, but to describe all of it's complex and wonderful facets is like trying to hold tight to a fist full of sand. I thought maybe by writing about it that I could define it, but instead I feel like I just revealed myself as a moody creeper that enjoys reading about dead bodies and probably owns one too many scarves. I guess if the the shoe fits...


  1. Ah, fall. I also really like fall in MN, and especially Halloween. My favorite holiday...so you aren't the only one who's a little off. :) Maybe that's why we're friends! BUT, I must say...I think one of the reasons you enjoy fall so much, is because winter, and ski season, is on the way. Now, if I had something to look forward to for the winter (aka if I wasn't too scared to ski/had someone to cuddle up to while drinking hot chocolate and reading a good book under a warm blankie when there's a blizzard outside (did you get all of that? Yep, thought about it a lot :))...I'd probably enjoy fall as much as you too! Oh and a side note, are all of those pictures Kate originals? If so, they are awesome! (well, even if not!) Great post!

  2. Errr... no - not Kate originals. I like to steal, I mean borrow, I mean appreciate and share, other people's photos once in a while. I try to always link them to the original post though, so the real people get credit. If you click on the pictures it should take you to their flickr pages... Flickr has so many amazing photos - I could spend hours looking through that site.

  3. How does one link a picture...? I just write the web address below! Help! :)

  4. You just highlight the picture, just like you would highlight text. Then you click the "link" button (looks like two links of blue chain), and type or paste your link (html address of the page you want to link to) into the box. Does that make sense? Sometimes Blogger is tricky with pictures. And today it wouldn't let me post in paragraphs - so no promises that it will be easy or even work ;)